Another post..

And so, we have all raised a hue and cry about the Mangalore Incident...
People and bloggers all over India have protested.. there has been quite a few very interesting and brilliant posts regarding the same.

But, the bottom line is the same - just like the Mumbai Terror attacks, this too will die down and the perpetrators will get away yet again...

There is the Interview with the "Sri Ram Sena chief" - Prasad Attavar in Rediff..
Where, he says that "This is a small incident which has been blown out of proportion"...
Really?!
He also says in the same breath that they are protecting Indian Culture and they will NOT allow Girls to wear skimpy clothes and drink booze and if they wish to do so, then the parents must register the girls' names with the police!

Why are men so insecure when it comes to Successful and powerful women?

This dirty mind set that, women must be controlled...
Are we the animals here or these men who are behaving in such a manner, animals?
It is these men who should be "controlled" and "tamed" to respect their fellow human beings...
In Times of India, there is another article in which they say their agenda is to "prevent Fashion shows"!!!

The most frequently asked question is,
Why have the people of Mangalore kept quiet? Why aren't the civilians not objecting to such behavior?
We don't see any Dharna or protest or violence happening against these perpetrators of crime!!! Why is that?
The answer to this is very simple isn't it - people are very scared...

You know, my colleague was stating that these men too should be chased by a mob and their clothes pulled down... then,only they will know what kind of trauma they have put these innocent girls thru... he was very agitated...But, our agitation isn't helping is it?

Deve Gowda has blamed the CM in this article -
He is right in many ways, but can we just focus on bringing about some justice without the whole thing turning political?
And, even if it does turn into a mud-slinging, verbal shout match between 2 political parties, can we still go ahead and hope that such things will be prevented?

My sister has written that our country is a beautiful and young country, filled with diversities...

I hope that it isn't too much to ask for when we say - let there Be NO diversity when it comes to condemning acts like this.
Let there Be No difference of opinion when we say that, in the name of "Indian Culture" we are letting hooliganism rule...

There are also a couple of posts where some of the bloggers have expressed relief that they don't live in India anymore... It's so totally understandable isn't it?
It's not that they are "bad" Indians with "no patriotism"... it's just that at the end of the day - they would prefer to be safe and at peace in their homes, where they don't have to worry about their children getting beaten up or molested because of the clothes they wear or the drink they drink or the company they keep...

Isn't that what we are all striving at? Peace of mind, safety and assurance as we go about our business just like the millions of people all across the globe...

Am I asking for too much?


On a different note,

GoofyMumma asked me if she could link me up in view of the "Say no to Criminals" campaign while she writes to a couple of newspapers,
" I am planning to mail a couple of newpapers about our 'Say No To Criminals in Politics' campaign. Please let me know if I you mind my linking you up too."

I though long and hard and surprisingly, I requested her not to link me up!
Cowardly, up to a point? Yes... But, I'm scared... blogging anon is giving me a certain amount of freedom... and I use this freedom to rant and rave and I'm happy with the attention, however little it maybe, that I get.
I am afraid of the newspapers... I still feel it might give me negative publicity and unwanted attention...
It might not be that bad... but, we live in times where money and political power rules and there is not much of a chance for us ordinary folks to actually be heard in a just manner without getting negative publicity.

I apologise GM and I hope that with time, I will have enough courage to say yes to you or anyone else to use my post for a newspaper write-up.And yes, Thank you for thinking that my post is worthy enough to be linked up! :-)

new template?`

So, how's the new template?

Do leave your honest comments about it...
Please do de-lurk and let me know if this is any better or if you are generous enough to help me with a brand new template, then please do! :P

And, again...

With so many posts on Domestic Violence, the surname-change issue and of course, the cherry on top - Manyata's remarks... One would feel the whole topic has been done to death...
We watch the Serial 'Ballika Vadhu" on TV with mounting indignation...
We also try to calm ourselves with a false sense of hope, saying this doesn't happen HERE... How wrong we are!
It happens here, in the educated world... the person sitting next to you could be a perpetrator of crime.
My team mate says that the "Control" of his wife is in his hands and his parents.
He says that she should toe the line to what they say...
He says very nonchalantly that he will "give her one slap" if she doesn't listen! That should bring her to her tracks...

My close friend (another friend) is in an abusive marriage. She is pregnant and scared out of her wits...
Her mind is so screwed up that she though that having a baby around will make him stop hitting her!
Her parents are the sort who say that - What are you doing that is displeasing you husband? Can't you behave properly? They got her married off to man they know nothing about.
His only credentials were - he is pretty decent looking and he is in the USA.

I told her to get out of the marriage. I repeated the words of so many bloggers.
She is coming to India in March, I told her not to go back... Divorce the B&&^#$%
But, how much is she willing to live differently?
She says that she doesn't want to deprive her child of a father's love.
She says he is a good man who has anger issues. The man beats her if she has a difference in opinion!
If she cries or is sick or doesn't do house work - she gets beaten!

Do you see how fucked up the entire situation is?

She is scared, knows what's happening is wrong... she wants to come out to this, but is very very scared to do so, because she has NO support system outside.
The only support would be friends... but, how much can WE do?

My sister, rightly pointed out - what will you do, if she doesn't want to do anything?
Why is she still there? Why hasn't she done something by now?

What will happens if she accuses me of ruining her life?

People who are unwilling to take stock of their lives, its difficult to help them...

From all the reading and research I've been doing these days, it's difficult to come out of such a relationship. We women are taboo... divorce and legal procedure are lengthy processes and most families "don't want to live with such a shamed daughter"

It's a deadlock situation I feel...
I have told my friend that I will help her, but the decision is hers...
I hope she realises what a horrible life she is leading and takes the bold step of getting out of this..
Else like my ma said - you can pray everyday that he doesn't kill her.

I slept in tears last night... knowing that I'm so safe in my extremely patient husband's arms and she has none of that...
I didn't think it would move me so much.. because as I pause to think of her, I get goosebumps and I get scared...

I want to help her, but the important question is - how?
I am talking to her, have made her realise that we are there for her as moral support...
convincing her that her decision to leave him is the right one...
But, is that enough? how else can I help?
Or better still, how can I help her realise that her life is just going to get messier... I mean, a man who doesn't hesitate to hit his pregnant wife will not stop from hitting her after the baby is born!
And, we all know how vulnerable we are at that time... both emotionally and physically we will be much more vulnerable.

The real world sucks sometimes and again to quote my ma - we live life on the fringe, even a toe inside the circle will
show us how scary reality is... *sigh*


Edited to add:
Sorry folks... I have deleted the chat transcript and I will pretend this episode never happened...
it's nice to blog of women empowerment, to talk and argue about bring about change.. the optimism is so false really...
but, the truth, there are not enough people actually bringing about the change...

As predicted and as feared, she is giving her marriage another chance since he is a "good guy" who just didn't want to "understand" her...
he apparently found out she is trying to get help from outside and came home and promised her not to hit abuse her anymore.... and she wants to give him another chance...

WTF News!?

I generally keep away from such News, But, this, I had to talk about!
It's seriously categorised into WTF news!

Here, Mr. Dutt talks about his wife being THE Mrs.Dutt and how he "forgives his sister" and

he goes onto make the statement - "no sister gets along with her brother's wife".. really?!!

Isn't that taking the whole relationship to a weird and distorted level?
Possessiveness is different from hatred.. and I'm quite sure that all sisters/brothers would like to see their siblings well settled, protected and successful in life...
He says that all girls should take their husband's name after marriage else its disrespectful!
He says that if Manyatha had retained her father's name after marriage , he would've been offended!
What a truck load of garbage he speaks!!
I heard that her name isn't Manyatha in the first place and its sure that whatever name she did have before marriage, it didn't have her "Father's surname" attached to it!
What century is he living in?

Its kind of difficult to even say anything about the whole topic without going "ARRRGH"!
Do we really need or want another politician like this?! Don't we have enough?!!
Aren't we trying to do something different now-a-days?!

The tone in which he speaks, of his sisters, and of women in particular seems highly disrespectful.
And from all the info I gathered, apparently, it was his sister Priya Dutt who stood by his side when he was accused of all his various crimes, helped him with rehab and stood by the family when their father died... And, he goes on print by making such a comment on his sister....
I didn't know Mr. Dutt would speak in such a garish manner and as I read in MadMomma's Blog, he is where is he is because of his father and she goes on to say that he neither has the looks nor the talent, to which one has to agree...
This so-called interview of his in all leading papers is definitely WTF news?!!

A totally different tag!

Yea, being the sucker I am for tags, I picked this one up from Renu... :)

Here goes the description, and I'm typing it straight out of Renu's post!
(I just copied your words... I hope you don't mind!)

This is very special tag and an effort in looking below the iceberg.....
The questions are there and as Renu says,
write the answers in the comment and delight me or even annoy, but be truthful, no diplomacy here... :)
Here are the questions:

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?


Go on, De-lurk and post your answers in the comments space! :)

Domestic Violence...

MM in her usual clear way talks about Domestic Violence and she says very correctly, that the Victim is to be blamed equally, because she kept quiet and let the violence recur without taking a stand...
A friend of mine is a victim of domestic violence... the whole thing is disgusting.
She has been beaten, humiliated, almost killed in a road accident by her drunk husband all in the name of dowry.
I haven't spoken to her in 5 yrs and all this information was given by another friend. The first thing, I wanted to do was call her and talk to her, offer any kind of support.
But, the next few lines my friend spoke, stopped me. Here's what she said:
My friend T is apparently "ashamed" of this whole fiasco and she doesn't want people to know she is a victim of domestic violence and she is getting a divorce.
Her parents told her to "adjust" and even gave more money to the B&*#$%$%$# when he harassed their daughter! They said she is "dark-skinned" and a "Woman's place is at her husband's"
She has put up with the violence, the humiliation for more than 2 yrs. She only walked out recently because he almost killed her! He was drunk, made her sit behind him on his bike, and had an accident on the Shimoga-Bhadravathi highway!!!
Her parents used to send her back to him, knowing that he will beat her again and again...
(I have a big grouse against her parents... what kind of people are they? How could they let their baby get hurt again and again? How could they keep quiet when they knew about how much pain and humiliation their daughter was going thru?)
The shameless B&*&^%^ even brought home other women in her presence!
I was speechless! How could she have stayed with him for 2 yrs?!!
Why didn't she tell her friends? It was only after my friend D scolded her and told her to cough up what the problem was, did she tell the details...
When D told her to call the police or better still, tell her husband and get the pig beaten up, T stopped her and now she has filed for divorce and for compensation (Which she isn't getting)

I just haven't been able to digest the whole thing. Her father had made a derogatory remark during the wedding of another friend and we had stopped talking because of that. My friend told me that "things were not right" because they are giving him a lot of money to marry their daughter simply because she is "dark-skinned"...
T feels on some level, she is the reason behind the violence!

My friend told me, "Keep out of this, you don't need this complication in your life, simply because she will not listen and her parents never did approve of your friendship because you were 'too modern and liberal thinking'. "

So, it's hard... I know someone who is going thru a difficult time because she has been humiliated so much, but I can do nothing... there is no way to reach out to her and even if I call her, she won't listen to what I have to say. Worse, she won't tell me what's happening...

But, I still don't know why she kept quiet and why she didn't do anything about the whole thing?
How could she keep on getting hurt like this without using her brains to get back at the guy or to walk out??

Another Award!

Renu gave me another award! The "Butterfly Award"! :-)

So, now my blog is also a "Cool Blog"! :-) (How cool is that?! LOL!)
And so, picking up the rules from her place:
1. Put the logo on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate 10 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

So, without any further delay, I pass on this award to:
1. Grail -> Who has NOT yet picked up any of the awards passed on to her! If you are reading this, pick them all up!!

2. My sis - > Blog... its been too long!

3. Rayshma

4. Galadriel

5. Mandira

6. Sachin

7. Swati

Please do pick up your awards! :)

And once again, thank you Renu for this awesome award! :)