Monday, December 17, 2007

Rants, Thoughts...

With my husband back after 3 months, routine has fallen into place again.

I did tell everyone that he went and when he came back, but I never did get around to posting how the experience was - me staying alone for 3 months.

Honestly - I enjoyed myself! I did what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted...(Not that my husbands restricts anything)

I did miss him - his presence was sorely missed - but, I wasn't lonely or sad or depressed... People ask me - "So, now you are happy is it? that your husband is back?"

I'm like - "huh?!"

I was happy in his absence too... but, I really don't know why people don't understand that.

Why is it that he is expected to "enjoy" himself and I am supposed to be all "sad" and"lonely" and "depressed"?

I did the usual things - I went for walks, shopped, met friends, went home to Mysore,watched TV, listened to music... *you get the drift right?*

One of my cousins asked me - "So, how is your life all alone? Are you bored?"

I felt like whacking him on the head with a pipe!I wasn't alone!!

I mean, my husband went out of town for 3 months - he didn't leave me!!and BORED?! I had no words to express...

Another friend I know thought I would be moping at home, but when I told her I was out shopping for books at Crosswords she was speechless!

WHY? What is wrong with me? Why do I know such weirdos? I seriously need to make different friends and pretend NOT to know these people!!!

I learnt a lot too - to handle things on my own, to make decisions alone quickly without consulting my husband (like - whether red bedspreads go well with our curtains...they don't by the way!)

If need arises, I don't mind him going again for another 3 months - though I prefer he goes for a longer term - like 2 yrs, so I can go with him and do something different with my life - other than coding inane stuff and sweating over deadlines!


We talk a lot about respect and individuality. We stress the need and scream ourselves hoarse by insisting that women should be respected and equality is our birth right.

But, the more I look around, I see that it's the women who need to respect themselves first. Then, expect respect from others...

Unless you respect yourself first, don't expect someone else to do it for you. I think we need to value ourselves more.... What do you think?

We teach our kids respect, but unless the child sees the father and mother respect each other, how will he/she actually understand it?


There's also the question of marriage - I saw a couple of posts about it on Sue's blog and though I didn't comment on it there - she sure made me think...

Marriage to me is faith and honesty... Be it love or arranged, we all start out with placing our trust with the other individual and then later on in stages, we build on it.

It also means making adjustments to each other's temperments... I'm the emotional kind and he isn't. I get angry easily and he is the sort who lets his anger simmer - I have learnt to recognise the signs - and I leave him alone until he comes out with what's bothering him... We have also learnt to keep t he communication lines open however difficult it gets and this has worked for us - we don't fight too much these days...

He doesn't tell me everything - certain things he feels I don't need to know - I respect that and I back off - I have learnt over the years to let go and not ask or insist he tell me everything and this I have realised will make sure he tells me most of the things...

This has worked for us... again, I am not pointing out fingers or making suggestions about marriage or trust factors here - We are still figuring out a lot of things...

But respecting each other's view points and trying to figure out why the other person feels so strongly about certain issues is helping us take our relationship to a another level... :-)


I went shopping with a friend to Bangalore Central - she is getting married and her husband has insisted that she wears jeans and be comfortable in them - a tall order to a girl who has never worn jeans!

I seem to have the patience of a saint - if you don't mind me saying so! I made her feel and look comfortable in jeans in a matter of few hours!

But, she fusses! OMG! How she fussed! I was so close to losing it! But, each time I kept remembering that she has never done this kind of thing before!!

Well, I had fun spening someone else's money for a change!!! :-)


Galadriel said...

Totally agree. People need to understand that relationships need not necessarily be mutually dependent.
Also, if I had never worn jeans before, I wouldn't wear them after marriage just because my husband wants me to. I need to be comfortable with what I'm wearing! :)

rayshma said...

i can SO understand the irritation with the questions... i was away for a li'l over 3 months... and i was asked almost all those questions! just that my frenz told me to behave myself and miss V! :D guess, i'm lucky there! touchwood! :) but yes, i missed V... and was happier to be with him. :)
and yeah.. ditto @ galadriel's... if i'd never worn jeans, i wudn't wear them coz someone asked me to. is it crucial that she wear jeans?

Just a grail said...

I agree that people need to be their own people regardless of their relationship status. I have had so many friends that have fallen off the face of the earth as soon as a mate enters the picture. In order to grow together you have to grow on your own as well.

I have people ask me all the time if I am "ok" because I am single, as if I am only half a person because I am not married. I would like to meet a man that has all the quality's that I want, but do not feel the need to settle for a man simply because he is male!

Sue said...

I love taking other ppl shopping. Used to blow V's money buying him clothes but that stopped being as much fun after we got married!


V and I, we respect each other underneath it all. But we can also both be very childish. And very proud. That's a tough combo.

Timepass said...

Nice to shop with someone else's money!! I agree..

claytonia vices said...

So did she tell that guy to wear dhoti and be comfortable in them?

Pixie said...

@Galadriel and Rayshma: I know! But, she is travelling to New York after marriage and her husband says that she needs them because of the weather! So, the need arose!

@ Grail: I so totally agree...

@ Sue: I understood that much when I read the post that respect is there... :-)

@ Timepass: Ya!! It sure was fun...

@ Vicky: Yea, apparently he is comfortable in them! And since she is moving to New York she needs them...

Smi said...

Nothing gives u kicks like retail therapy! And if that's about burning a hole in someone else's pocket, even better! :)

Swati said...

Hey Pixie..this was a nice post..thought provoking.Each of your thoughts made me think different things ...I really liked it.

I agree ..staying alone doesnot always means being lonely. In fact I feel we should sometimes stay alone in life and learn to be independent.Exactly what you said..I need to learn to decide small things on my own and let him live with decisions once in a while ;-)

Ohh yes, The best thing in a relationship is respect for each other and I hate the guys who do not respect their wives even in front of their kids.

Making adjustments to each other's temaparament is toughest in any marriage and I am glad that its working for you. We do try to make it work for us too..and it does mostly ;-)

And yes , I wont wear anything , just because someone wants me to...but I may, for the sake of love.I mean ,we need to do certain things beyond our ego.

Sorry for writing a post here :P

niveditha said...

hey pixie
Nice one...
Yeah you're right about "living alone"
With your husband out of town, you're alone, not lonely. I think yuor friends need to get the difference between the two.

And your friend's husband did a good thing by insisting on her wearing jeans cos very few men do that and I think he's making her do something she's never done and thus bringing new colour int her life!

Pixie said...

@smi: Yup! Totally! :-D

@Swati: :-) ... your comment/posts are always welcome here!! love to hear what you have to say about a lot of things as always! :-)

@niveditha: That's a nice way of looking at things! Welcome to my blog and please do keep visiting! :-)