Monday, April 09, 2007

Conventional.... and Marriage

Anyone who knows me will say that conventional is so NOT the word to describe me!!
But, a few years back when I was still single, I surprised everyone including myself by agreeing to go "groom hunting" - the good old fashioned way - wherein a girl gets "interviewed" by the boys entire family including fourth cousins and aunts who are cousins etc etc even before meeting the boy!!!!!
Well, in my defense - my husband hadn't proposed yet and I didn't know that I would be marrying him!!!
Here are a few classic "interview lines" which I will never ever forget - they made me laugh back then too!

boy: Ummm... so, you are really interested in working?
me: Duh!! (in mind and trying to keep a straight face) Yes, which is why I did my Post Grad.
boy: How would you feel about giving up work after marriage?
me: WTF???????!!(In mind of course!) I wouldn't do that! I work hard and enjoy working.
boy: But, even if the boy is earning enough to lead a comfortable life why should you work?
me: (Seeing RED...) I work not for financial reasons, but for satisfying my intellectual needs...

The boy is at complete loss of words - I really think till date that he was a moron!

Scene 2:
boy: Taking care of elders is very important, do you agree?
me: Umm (Not sure where the conversation is going) (Nodding) yes... very true. I will take care of my parents in their old age (I could see my mom cringe!)
boy: (Raising his eyebrows) Oh! I was not talking about your parents, but about my old granny and my parents.
me: (Completely pissed) Well, since both of us work, we could hire a trained nurse to take care of their needs!! (My mom is suppressing laughter and making weird sounds from her mouth!)
And that was the end of THAT!... The tradition that when a girl leaves the house, her parents cease to be parents and even if they are dying on the streets, the girl should look after only her ungrateful in-laws SUCKS!!!

There are so many such scenarios... Maybe it was me or maybe all the boys I "saw" were complete morons... their parents certainly were!!!
One mother said "nanna maganna, nanna kanalli ittu belasideeni"!!! (roughly translates to - my boy has grown up in my eyes!!!) LOL !!!
Well - my mom too was protective about me and my sis and we were completely pampered and spoilt - we still are!!!
Why do mothers of boys assume that the girls' parents will NOT have taken care of their daughters and that once their darling son gets married - he gets hitched with a terminal disease called WIFE??? Then, don't get him married off for God's Sake!!!

I will not go into an argument about that nor do I say that all arranged marriages suck, but I am really glad that I married the man I loved as a friend, a man I knew...
And I am really really glad that my husband proposed when he did!!!! :)
Both "arranged" and "love" marriages have their ups and downs and as I told my friend just now - whatever be the type of marriage you have had - it needs time, commitment, adjustment and a healthy dose of compromises from both sides, trust and faith to work out.


The Mad Momma said...

hey ..i did something similar a few days back... on taking care of the girls parents in their old age.. i have a huge issue with men who object to that...

Ersa said...

I'm at this stage now. Well, almost. I still haven't said yes to the whole groom hunting thing. But my parents want me to because they think I'm getting old. Mid 20s. But I don't agree so the argument is on... Will keep this post in mind when and if I do say yes to go for the whole groom hunting thing...