Friday, December 12, 2008

Another story...

OK, I'm trying my hand in writing really short stories... And, here's one such piece... Tell me what you think! :-)

She walked slowly, each step faltering as she inched closer towards her apartment building. She sighed, deep and long and walked into the compound with a false and cheerful smile fixed on her face.
The watchman of the building was delighted to see her and wished her saying that he and the others had missed her during the last one week she was out of town.
She smiled at him and thought of her blissful 1 week freedom, away from her family, especially away from her husband.
She knew that he would be waiting inside for her, to reclaim his possession and to remind her not so gently that she belonged to him.
She opened the door with her keys and let herself in. She could hear the TV and knew that he would come looking for her into her room.
She would be ready this time, she promised herself. She walked into her room and threw her suitcases on the floor, each falling on the ground with a resounding thud.
Then, she heard him, get up from his place, turn on the volume of the TV so that it would block out all other sounds.
She waited patiently behind the door, her hand holding the very bat he beat her with everyday. She could hear him search for the bat and then, she heard him grab his belt from his closet and walk into her room. This time, she was ready, she swung the bat as hard as she could and hit his face.
She stood over him, satisfied, watching him whither in pain and lose consciousness. Then, she stepped over his unconscious body, picked up her empty suitcases and walked out and into the taxi where Sameer was waiting for her.

8 comments:

wisegirl said...

good lord! morbid story... anyway i liked it

rayshma said...

nice story.
but i don't like the fact that it was the fact that Sameer waited for her that gave her the cheek to walk away from an abusive r'ship. would she have put up with it if she hadn't found a "saviour"?

Renu said...

good sotory, but i wonder..why a young girl thinks of morbid things like a husband who beats..its not a normal thing:), why not a pleasant lovely dream, which may turn sour also...why this black genre is so attractive to today/s generation?

nivedithasperceptions said...

Hey I agree with rayshma...
And I think you've written well... The detailing is good! :)

Pixie said...

@Wisegirl: Thanks!
@Rayshma: Thanks, but, sometimes, its because of that "saviour", people get the courage to step up?
Also, I read that most of the abused women are usually isolated without a close frns' circle...

@Renu: Thanks! I have no idea why the story is so morbid!! I wrote it at work, because I was feeling so bored!!! :-D

@niveditha: Thank you my dear! :-)

claytonia vices said...

And she lived happily every after... did she take the bat with her... just in case? ;)

~nm said...

What a dramatic end...

Afaque said...

A common story in many houses around us... but the last part is seldom common actually... i wish all the women respond back to such imbeciles as they really want...
btw its more of a CHUNKLET(as i call it on my blog) rather than a short story... :)