Thursday, May 21, 2009

This and that and some more...

Get this -
Apparently, a new project is on the horizon and its a huge one which requires a lot of people have the same expertise as I do.
Now, I know that the project is in pipeline and my Managers know I have expressed an interest to work on it...
But, apparently, before I know, the whole world knows... there have been rumours going around that I would be working on it and it hasn't pleased a lot of people. But, I can feel the buzz, the looks people have been giving me has been priceless! I think that I'm much more important than I perceive myself to be!!! :P :P
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The Other Stuff -
Also, it really pisses me off when people ask me about babies... Arrgh!
I am 29. And no, I don't want babies now.
Does that mean I don't want them at all?NO!
I do want my own kid(s) - either by birth or by adoption... whichever is feasible at the time when we want to have them.
All throughout, I have never felt that motherhood is the identity of a woman. By giving birth to a child, doesn't necessarily make a woman "complete"!
What I mean is, marriage, mother-hood are NOT the only things a woman wants.
It's part of the entire package deal called life. It's what we want along with the other goodies. :)

I have heard people say - "poor guy" to my husband. Why, because he got stuck with a wife who is working, equally if not harder at times. Who manages both home and work pretty decently and because after 3 yrs of marriage, there is no sign of"good news".
(don't you just hate it when someone asks you that question?)

Really? I feel like whacking said people with a pipe.
We are willing to be parents as the time comes... there is no planned agenda as to have or not have babies.

Perhaps, the said people forget that the husband made the intelligent choice of marrying a working-intelligent lady.
I have had people ask either one of us directly - "is something wrong with u/your wife? I know a good doctor if you want."
It is so damn irritating to smile and tell these people in a very polite manner to 'eff off!

Another thing is, the husband doing chores at home. I refuse to call that helping.
Am I helping him when I cook for him? When I make sure his clothes are clean and neatly pressed? Is it helping him, if I clean up our home and dust and rearrange stuff?
No. These things are apparently my "duty".
When the husband does the same - he is"helping". WTF?!!
We both work long hours, we both go thru a gruelling day filled with meetings, stress and bad colleagues.
Why am I expected to come home, put on a smile and an apron and take care of house work with the same flourish while the husband is supposed to rest after a hard day's work???
Why am I blamed because there's dust on the TV? or leftovers in the fridge?
I wouldn't have done the said cleaning because, like all normal human beings, I would have been tired after a long day...
But then, women, in our society aren't supposed to be human or normal are they?
They are conditioned from a very early age to be super effecient, to hide their pain and sacrifice everything for a so-called harmonious family life.

Anway, coming back to what I was trying to say...

Don't give me horrible lines like - "men are conditioned to be dirty"
They are not. Some of the men I know including my husband are cleanliness freaks.
The Harpic toilet cleaner I use inside the toilet bowl was a suggestion from a male friend.


I like my husband in this manner, he doesn't "expect" his wife to do this or that.He knows how tired I would be after a hard day's work - he would prefer it if I relax first and then, after he gets home, we both start dinner...

I think and know and acknowledge us as equals. And I know for a fact that he does too...
The house, house work, the earnings and the expenditures are equally his as it is mine.
The decision to have or not have a baby today, is not just mine, it's his too.
The baby, when it comes, is his as well as mine.We are both parents, care-givers of the said child.
Gender stero-typing and role playing in everyday life is not happening in my family.
Of course, there are differences, these differences are because we are different individuals.
Please do not come to my door step and give me bull crap about me "being a woman, should be able to understand"
No, i don't understand certain things, I can relate to few things... because my wiring or conditioning is different.
Where there is no mutual respect, there is no place for such people in my life or home.
I am happy with the limited number of people we know in the real world and even happier with my blog friends...

Enough said.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL!

Your anger is justified.
But, it is your life,so do as you please and do not bother about what others say or think. As long as you and your husband are happy. That is all that matters.

-vinay

Smitha said...

About the Project - Good for you!!!! As for people's looks :) Savour the moment :)

As for that motherhood makes a woman complete concept.. Well, all I can say is that motherhood should come at a time when the woman is most comfortable with it.. And even never - if that is what she feels.. It is a decision between the couple and nobody has a say in it! It so makes me mad when people decide when it is time for one to be a 'mother'!!!

Just follow your heart.. and go for it- when it suits you!

As for men 'helping', have you noticed it , when a man changes a diaper -its like - 'wow! He is such a wonderful dad!!!' and for a mom who does it day in and out - well, thats her job, isn't it????? even if she might be doing everything the husband is and more!

I can so identify with everything you say here!!
There was a 'friend' of our who used to make 'gajar ka halwa' everytime we went visiting and tell us its was for my hubby - Coz poor thing must not be getting it at home'!!! coz I was a 'working women'!!! And that used to drive me husband more angry than me :) We eventually stopped interacting with them - it was too irritating! Such people exist and I like to think that they are actually jealous of our lives.. so try to make a point of running it down..

Galadriel said...

these are not things people are allowed to question. You don't even have to be polite, just tell them coldly and firmly - none of your business. then turn around and walk off. if they are pissed off, well, who cares?!

rayshma said...

can u'stand how u feel when ppl ask u why u aren't having a kid or when u're having one.
i used to get that from some random ppl. but i guess, they realized that i'm not that approachable... so now it's just mom and a few very close friends, who sometimes ask. and that, i can u'stand! :D

u know, the thing is.. i'd rather not have a child than have one when i don't know what to do with it.
also, it is entirely upto u and ur husband HOW u manage ur personal life. it shouldn't concern anybody else. and as long as u continue being silent when asked by random ppl, they will keep getting on ur nerves. be sweet, but get ur point across. worked for me!

Ersa said...

Just do what you want and don't be bothered much with the prying eyes, Pix. No matter how annoying these kinda people are, it's gonna be a long time before people get the equality thing straight...So yeah, as long as you and your husband are happy, there isn't much to bother about...

Renu said...

Very happy to see that you are getting important assignmaents.

as for being mother...this is the permanent complaint of my children also as both of them havwe none, inspite of being married for 6 and 4yrs, they also feel very irritated when the first question is this, but I tell them not to take it personally, as people have nothing to talk about and this their style of doing small talk, just forget it.

And for helping husbands....we will change slowly, mindsets dont change so fast...and it depends a lot on the individuals also, my son helps a lot, even though my DIL is not working,..it should be a personal choice and personal adjustment,its their life and they should manage as they want..somewhere wife is doing more, somewhere husband is doing more, but if they are happy, thats the main thing..its their equation.

mandira said...

oh that "have kids" talk again.. ppl are so boringly predictable... if u are nt married, they'll ask u when u are going to get married.. if u are married, they'l ask when u are gonna have kids.. if u hv a kid, they'll ask when the next onez coming along... yawn... give them new ideas someone!!

wisegirl said...

woman make baby now!i want fat chubby baby at home..bekuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

I can almost see your frustrated look on the motherhood questions. (although I haven't seen you)
Take it easy ... some people think that is polite conversation. As you already know its completely the decision you and hubby will make ...

Enjoy the attention you are getting at work ! Seems like a very interesting project ... you may perhaps get to lead it !! Good luck !

Poppins said...

You know what's worse than asking the baby question to someone who's not thought about it? Asking it to someone who's working towards it and having issues.

No one knows why a young couple don't have kids, so they must just SHUT up ! I have a couple friend who are trying hard to conceive and everytime they get a question from a stranger I know how they feel.

Bah.

On the other hand, am so glad I'm done with my quota :p Nobody dares to ask about a third ! :) Not even as a joke.

Indyeah said...

ALl the best for your project:))
see?I always knew that you were a genius :D:D:D

*praise to be kept in mind please the next time you want to pull my leg* :P


motherhood makes a woman 'complete'?
ROFL!!that is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard!

its a personal choice isnt it?

and what does that have to do anything with being a woman like you said?:))

agree with every point here coz thats the way my family is too:)))
and you know your post reminded me of so many of IHM's kickass posts:))))

yours too is awesome:)))


more analysis after I get married:D:D
then I will be able to speak from experience:))

writerzblock said...

1) Way to go girl.. you certainly are more important than you think you are!!

2) Bless you and your hubby! Nice knowing people with modern thoughts like both of you! Needless to say, I have a family full of traditional and khadoos people!! So I fully empathise.

mohit said...

hmm... something really pissed you off apparantly.

I support your husband treating you as an 'equal', like you put it.

and I'm sorry, but people coming up to him and saying "poor guy" ... that's just so hilarious !!!

and yeah, kids should come into the picture only when both of you are ready...its only fair, to both of you and the kid(s) as well.

bravo !

Indian Homemaker said...

Some of us can be so interfering. I can only think they are either bored and this is a pass time, or I just can't imagine... could they be jealous?!!
And all the best for the project Pixie :)

Good to see you are blogging about this Pixie, other women in similar situation will see how clear you are about not carrying any unnecessary guilt on your shoulder for accepting HELP from an equal partner.

At least you know nobody has any business to call your contribution to household work, 'duty' and his contribution 'helping'! So many women carry guilt for no reason....

And I can understand your frustration at people's nosy and keen curiosity and interest in your personal life. This I went through before I had my first baby...

claytonia vices said...

I think you should prepare some witty retorts prepared for intrusive questions. It will be fun.

Monika said...

i can so understand what u feel... i had my first baby at 31 and before i had it people had made my life miserable and now my son is just 17 and they are already asking when are we getting the second news sigh :(

http://monikamanchanda.wordpress.com/

Solilo said...

Congratulations on the new project.

About the baby thing. It is damn irritating that everyone in the world is so "concerned" about you. I know exactly what you feel because as soon as I got married, I was showered with same questions. Now people ask me when I am having my second and when I say that I want only one then they start another blabber which I ignore. :))))

It is your life. Have baby when you are prepared. I don't think it is anybody's damn right to ask you that. Some people just don't know where to draw the line.

Pixie said...

@Everyone: Thanks! :)
I know, what you guys are saying is right, but at times it gets so damn irritating...

The new project - still waiting for official confirmation that I would be in that project! :)

Haven't been able to reply back properly to comments since its been pretty hectic at work... :)

LAK said...

Way to go!Yes, it is totally your call, and your hubby's. I feel, as long as the people you love don't bother you with this question, you don't have to even think of replies to the others, who have no better work than go around asking for "good news"!

Swaram said...

LOL Pixie .. baby making business .. ppl feel its something u do n finish off bah!

I hv heard reasons ranging from i hv turned 26 to we r married for 3 yrs to my cousins already have them!!!!!!! - We dont care a damn - we will hv our lil bundle of joy n we want to n nt bcoz someone else wants!

I hv also been tagged as a bad woman already since I give importance to my job!!!!!!!