Thursday, May 28, 2009

yeh humaari pyaar ki aakhri nishaani hai!

There! I knew that this title will grab your attention! :P

I was watching the serial - "Ballika Vadhu" (I know! waste of time, but just hang on, for a minute)
In that, the 15-16yr old widow actress is pregnant with her dead husband's child after a clandestine meeting in a Mela/fair of some sorts...
Now, people who do follow the serial know that at the time of death of the said-husband, they were still living separately and the said-husband gets killed when he is on his way to get his said bride...
No, I am not discussing the serial with you! Don't worry.. but, I am concerned with the whole, 15 yr old being pregnant thingy.
Why can't we be more practical about the whole thing? Is it truly possible to get pregnant as soon as you have sex for the first time?!!!
I am not sure, if I am making any sense here, but why should a 15 yr old be saddled with the burden of taking care of a baby and all this crap about it being "hamara pyaar ki aakhri nishaani"?? (our love's last sign!)
If you want the message about social conscience and safe sex to go out, make her give up the baby if its too late for an abortion...
How many of us are on talking, pally terms with the people we have had a crush on when we were 16?!
Or, if you did do it for the first time with someone else other than your respective spouse, are u in contact with them?!!
Mostly its NO, right?
How much emotional maturity will a 16 yr old have?!
I sometimes prefer the Western culture in this manner - an unwanted pregnancy is treated as what it should be - a mistake...
Do you live with all your mistakes?!! No, you make amends, fix it, learn your lesson and move on.
Why is the girl being saddled for something that is clearly not completely her fault?
Along with the poor girl's parents... They not only have to "look" after the daughter all their lives, but also her kid, because she won't have the education or the mind set to earn her living or move on with her life.
Why isn't she being allowed to move on from her mistake?
Now, don't give all kinds of crap like, its a part of you and all that - I know that.
But, how many women do you know who have absolutely no maternal instinct at all and they are mothers?
Or, how many women do you know, who have all the instincts in place, but no kids yet?
but, I digress...
We need to move on with our lives and treat our body and soul with respect and dignity.
How come the boy or his family isn't shown taking responsibility?
Why is it that the girl alone should "suffer"?
Why is sex considered so bad? Or sex-education a taboo during our growing up years?
If you want the message to go out, then make it revolutionary, show a change...don't show us a 16 yr old hysterically crying out - "this is my Love's last nishaani!!!" And keeping and struggling with a baby...
Don't show us some guy walking up and saying - "even though she is tainted and the baby isn't mine, I am willing to marry her" Ugh!
I would prefer a Juno any day...
And as parents, don't we want our daughters to move on with their lives with no regrest if they made such a mistake?
Why are we saddling them with a such a big responsibility or even burden?
We need to start changing our mind set and at least try to make a dent in the others' thinking as well if we want things to change for us women folk...

18 comments:

Arunima said...

i think that is the reason why I don't have a T.V.:-)

monikamanchanda said...

ok now i have a couple of things i want to say here

I agree with basic premise of the post... a mistake should be treated as a mistake there is no way we should carry its burden, i would prefer the kids being educated and so that the mistake doesnt happen

but I dont agree with u when u say "I sometimes prefer the Western culture in this manner - an unwanted pregnancy is treated as what it should be - a mistake..." - according to Catholics abortion is a sin and teen pregnancies are the highest in the western world, remember the recent case where we saw a kid father 11-yr old i guess with 13-old mother....

I agree Junno was brilliant and I would prefer it any day

And ballika vadhu has turned crap anyways... started well and now is dont even ask.. my mom sees it everyday without fail

Pixie said...

@Arunima: Wise Decision!! LOL!!
But, its difficult to manage without TV... *sigh*


@Monika: Very true. What you say is right.
Teen pregnancies are at the highest in the West.
But, my point being, they say it's a mistake, because it is one...
They usually give the baby up for adoption... (kids with slightly better sense and/or better support system at home)
There are sickos everywhere, I agree - esp that 11 yr old father thingy...
But, my point being - we need better education here.
We need to see it as it is, an unwanted pregnancy to a 15 yr old is, generally a mistake and/or a burden...
The serial says they are trying to make a difference, my point being - show us something different, something practical and right for making that difference

Solilo said...

Pixie, There is no logic in our Indian TV shows a reason why I stopped watching all this. They are also regressive.

Just recently a show on Sony called Ladies Special started and so far I liked it.

wisegirl said...

yuck! thats what happened on the show!!!??? they just had to make it stupid...

Mystic Margarita said...

Agree with Sol. Indian serials are totally without logic and regressive. I wish they would make serials like they did back in the good old days of Doordarshan!

hitchwriter said...

you actually watch our soaps ???

i Cant stand them for a minute !!! comedy serials are still ok..

but thankfully we just dont watch them... !!

rayshma said...

couple of things:
a. TOTALLY with you that nobody should be getting preggers at 16. it's nothing to romanticize. at 16, everybody thinks they're old enough to own the world and run it. it's only later you realize that it wasn't so. i hate such serials which make the concept seem so romantic. perfect fodder for rotting the brains.

b. here.. in the wild west... there is peer pressure to have sex since u're 13, apparently. a LOT of teens are pregnant.
there's an assistant where vin works... she's 20. has 3 children from 2 different guys. is married to a third guy now.
(other than this one, all my info is based on reality tv and news. not first hand info.)
i was watching this show with 13-15 year olds... and one of them said "i CRAVE to have a baby. my boyfriend says it's okay if i want to have one. we will figure out a way to manage. i would love to have a nice baby shower party." this girl was 14. and sexually active. she had already been with multiple partners.

teen pregnancy is a HUGE issue, at least here, in the US.
and while they call the kid a mistake, not all opt for easier solutions. they get social security benefits for being a single parent... and they use that! it's rather a sad situation.

c. this is the reason i don't think i want my kid watching ANY tv other than nat geo and history! :D

Indyeah said...

hmmm....you are searching for some logic in our soaps?

tell me why?:P:P


you and Monika have both sait it well..

something practical for once..gawd!!when will they??

Varunavi said...

I just hate to watch these serials instead prefer watching pogo/V channel with the kids.

I dont understand from where they get these stories and all the female watch these serials with so much enthu :( and i have seen people crying also watching these serials.

There was one stupid serial on dd shanthi,in which mandira says 1000 times or more that her mom was raped by two men and she doesnt know who is her father

Indian Homemaker said...

Lovely post Pixie!
I prefer Juno any day too. I also blogged about Juno, but I love the way you discussed this so frankly. I hate the foolishness of 'pyaar ki aakhri nishani' too.

A fifteen year old is a kid. Our TV serials are sad. I don't watch them, but I think we should watch them so we know what a large number of women in India are watching, and many of them take these very seriously.

Crafty Shines said...

eeeps! am bad at soaps...am still stuck on Looney Tunes show on pogo! :D

u raise a very relevant and yet such an underrated issue pixie...
i agree, this aakhi nishaani bit is just blah! but u know, media conditioning is so deep rooted and the prejudices of our culture that went hand-in-hand in unfortunatley reinforcing all this nonsense...

media shud ideally play the role of spreading awareness and educating, and it has the potential to be a fantastic means of doing so!

but they choose to cash in on the entertainment factor, too scared to deviate from pre-historic idealogy, and worse, re-inforcing them! :| :|

juno was fantastic! u know who else? her parents!!! i cannot bring myself to support abortion, but giving up a baby is the wiser option!

pixie! thanks for ur kind words at my blog! much cherished! hugs! :)

the mad momma said...

I think the entire premise of that serial is so wrong. They claim to be running a show that speaks up against child marriage and yet all they do is reinforce it.

Ersa said...

where did my comment go? i know i did comment on it :-(

Pixie said...

@ Everyone: I started to watch it, thinking it's different from your daily soaps, but it isn't! So, stopped watching... But, this episode caught my fancy becuase of the topic and a friend had predicted it long back! :P

And yea, there is absolutely no logic whatsoever in them...

Sorry, haven't been able to comment or reply back frequently, totally swamped with work...

LAK said...

I used to watch it, but now I don't, not regularly. Of course I had "predicted" this when they went to the 'mela'!To be fair to the serial, they are showing an extremely orthodox family background, so they will probably react like that. Maybe they are showing the melodrama to discourage real life emulation----ha! Another guess--maybe she'll have the kid and Gehna will bring it up along with her own---in that itself the illogical side shows up--they make a song and dance abt Gehna being forced to have a kid, to perpetuate the dynasty because Gehna is a teenager, and here in the same family, another teen preg!

Smitha said...

Pixie, Don't know how I missed this post :(

Haven't seen this - but from what you say, it does sound ridiculous!

'why should a 15 yr old be saddled with the burden of taking care of a baby and all this crap about it being "hamara pyaar ki aakhri nishaani"?? ' What pyar? At 15? and then again - at an age where she will never be independant - is it fair to have a child to look after as well?

How I wish we had better soaps.. I just feel that Indian soaps seem to be becoming even more regressive.. I just do not watch TV soaps these day.. As a matter of principle..

writerzblock said...

That is our much flaunted Indian society, Pixie. And movies and soaps only exaggerate facts and present a regressive culture. Girls getting pregnant, the guys getting away scot-free, society tarnishing the image of the girl's family....when will this come to an end? I don't think ever in our lifetime atleast!